At the mercy of beta readers

I’ve been antsy in the past few days. Things have been busy for me at work and in my personal life, which requires a lot of my attention.

But the thing that’s really got me nervous is that I finally sent my manuscript to a beta reader.

I had a former co-worker of mine take a look at my manuscript. I trust them, and they’re quite familiar with my writing—for kids, at least. We used to work together at an educational publishing company.

I told them this work is way different. It’s more adult-oriented: post-apocalyptic sci-fi, with some trigger warnings, including gasp a bit of smut in there. They were excited, and I value this person’s way of giving feedback, so I was also excited to share the manuscript with them.

This person is also the first one to read this story.

Granted, I sent the 3rd draft version, and I feel a little more confident about it than draft number 2. But, I’m not gonna lie. There have been moments where I stare into space, feeling like I should have added this dialogue or removed this scene, so on and so forth.

I’m nervous about things I’d missed in this draft.

I’m nervous about what they’d think.

I know I'll be absolutely hard on myself the first time I see the feedback, but that’s just me. I mean, who isn’t? I’m usually over it the next day, crack my knuckles, and get to work. That’s just how my brain chemistry works.

“Let it stew,” is the advice. Don’t get hyped up the first time.

I’m also honestly relieved to have someone else read it to give their honest feedback. It’s all part of the process, and after finishing Draft 3, I definitely need someone else to help me make sense of it all.

I also recognize that feeling all of this is absolutely normal. 

Creatives are always hard on themselves. 

Our work will never be perfect, and we’ll have to be okay with that. We’ll just need to get it as close as possible to where we want it.

I just need to get through all of this and see where it takes us.